


The Great Wizarding Christmas Bake Off

by earlybloomingparentheses



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Great British Bake Off - Fandom
Genre: Christmas, First Kiss, Fruitcake, Gen, Great Christmas Bake Off, M/M, baking au, holiday fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-25 19:00:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17126942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlybloomingparentheses/pseuds/earlybloomingparentheses
Summary: Four contestants returning from previous seasons: Sirius, Remus, Harry, and, oh yes, Sybill Trelawney.Two bad-joke-filled hosts: Fleur and Tonks.Two oddly-matched judges: Minerva McGonagall and Horace Slughorn.Three baking challenges, three glowing fruitcake runes, two not-so-secretly smitten contestants, two small explosions, one first kiss, one unexpectedly sentimental judge, and plenty of holiday cheer. Oh, and one Christmas Bake Off champion.





	1. Signature

**Author's Note:**

> There will be three chapters, one for each challenge. All are written--so no worries about not knowing who wins. Chapter 2 (the technical) will be posted tomorrow, and chapter 3 (the showstopper) will be posted the day after tomorrow, on Christmas!

_Music._

_A cloudy day on a beautiful estate: sweeping lawn, fir trees strung with fairy lights, a big red brick Queen Anne house in the background. Zoom in on FLEUR, who is wearing a lovely silver dress, and TONKS, who has Metamorphmagused to look exactly like FLEUR._  

FLEUR and TONKS: Welcome to the Great-- 

FLEUR: I’m supposed to say that one!

TONKS: I thought I was!

FLEUR: _(Pulls out the script)_ See, it says Fleur right here!

TONKS: Wait. Am I not Fleur? _(She looks down.)_ I look like Fleur! Oh, well, that’s a bit embarrassing. Give me just one second. 

_TONKS transforms slowly: hair turning from silvery-white to gray, face growing wrinkled. She looks exactly like MINERVA, except in a silver dress._  

FLEUR: I hate to tell you this, but… 

TONKS: _(Looks down again and jumps.)_ Oh! Oh dear. Must have had too much eggnog last night!

_TONKS transforms again, this time into herself: heart-shaped face, short and spiky green-and-red hair._

TONKS: I think I’m pulling off this dress, though, yeah? 

FLEUR: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. 

_Music. Cut to inside the tent: bright red refrigerators and mixing bowls, cooking tables strung with garlands, and charmed snow falling from the ceiling._

FLEUR (voice over): It’s Christmas in the wizarding world, and four of our favorite bakers are returning to the tent for a holiday bake-off. First up, fresh from our latest season, one of our youngest ever contestants and last year’s semifinalist, Harry. 

_HARRY walks in. He’s wearing a hand-knitted jumper with an H on the front and dark jeans. He smiles cheerfully as he takes his place at the table._

FLEUR (voice over): Back from a couple of seasons ago and best known for his exquisite breads and spot-on flavors, Remus.

_REMUS, who is wearing a dark red sweater with a reindeer pattern, is shown pouring liquid into a cup, biting his lip as he squints at the measurement._

TONKS (voice over): And a friend of Remus’ from the same season: quarterfinalist Sirius Black, whose luminous ladyfingers and color-changing custard wowed the judges, but who crashed and burned--quite literally--when his frangipane fireworks exploded all over and nearly set fire to the tent. 

_SIRIUS, who is wearing a black leather jacket and a Santa hat, gives Remus a cheeky wink hello and tosses a wooden spoon into the air, barely catching it._

TONKS (voice over): And finally, one of the show’s most memorable contestants, whose bakes were almost as wild as her hair, Sybill. 

_SYBILL is shown staring, puzzled, at something in the oven. She is wearing a tremendously sparkly gold robe and her mass of curly hair is barely held in check by a gold scarf whose fringes trail down her shoulder._

_Cut to a shot of HARRY, outside, speaking to the camera._

HARRY: I’m chuffed to be back, yeah, really excited. It’s Christmas! And I’m honored to share the tent with such amazing bakers. I really admire both--I mean, all three of them. 

_Cut to a shot of REMUS, outside, speaking to the camera._  

REMUS: Christmas always makes me think of baking--the spices, and the smells, and the kitchen warm and cozy. So I’m so pleased to be here. And to meet some of the others, and to say hello to--to old friends. _(His face grows slightly red.)_  

_Cut to the tent. The four bakers are arranged behind their counters. TONKS, FLEUR, MINERVA, and HORACE walk in and line up at the front of the room. MINERVA wears a tartan jacket and skirt, red wire-rimmed glasses, and a sprig of holly in her tight bun. HORACE wears a red-and-green plaid bowtie and a cheerful cream sweater._  

FLEUR: Welcome, bakers, and _joyeux noël!_  

TONKS: Or, as we say up north, “pass the bleeding fruitcake, already!” 

FLEUR: Today, the four of you will compete for the coveted title of Christmas Bake Off champion. There will be plenty of Christmas flavors-- 

TONKS: And Christmas cheer-- 

FLEUR: And if Horace has anything to say about it, plenty of Christmas brandy! 

TONKS: For your signature challenge today, Minerva and Horace would like you to make a fruitcake.

FLEUR: But not just any fruitcake! Yours should be moist, flavorful, and contain multiple kinds of fruit.

TONKS: And it should NOT be usable as a doorstopper, unlike my great-aunt Tillie’s.

FLEUR: You have two hours. On your mark-- 

TONKS: Get set-- 

BOTH: Bake! 

_Cut to MINERVA and HORACE in a cozy room by the fire. A fruitcake glistens on the table._

MINERVA: So, Horace. Why did you choose a fruitcake for today’s challenge? 

HORACE: Tradition! A fruitcake, you know, is simply the most traditional Christmas bake. And it can be just dreadful! You know, I was once given a fruitcake that was the same texture as an old car tire, made by my friend Bronwyn Evans, you know, the magizoologist-- 

MINERVA: _(Quickly cutting him off)_ Yes, dreadful. So what should our bakers do to avoid replicating the notorious fruitcakes of yesteryear? 

HORACE: Well, the fruit must be well-distributed. They need to be careful not to overwork the dough, or it’ll be too dense.

MINERVA: We certainly wouldn’t want anything in the tent to be too dense. _(She looks at him out of the corner of her eye.)_

_Cut to the tent. The four bakers are getting out their ingredients._

_Close on SIRIUS, who is already covered in flour._

SIRIUS: Hate fruitcake. Absolutely hate it. Never had a good fruitcake in my life. _(Grins)_ Bet Remus over here likes it, though, eh? 

REMUS: What? _(He looks up, startled, from his recipe. Then he smiles, raising his eyebrows.)_ It’s not bad. _(Slyly)_ If you bake it well, that is.

TONKS: _(To Sirius)_ Well then. That’s you told!

_Sirius pretends to look offended. Remus goes pink again._

_Cut to HARRY, who is explaining his bake to MINERVA, HORACE, and FLEUR._

HARRY: So, I’d actually never made a fruitcake till this week. And I decided to mix things up a bit, you know? I wanted it to be modern. So my fruitcake is spiced chocolate, with candied ginger, cherries, and red chilis.

MINERVA: Chilis? Actual pieces of them?

HARRY: _(Nervously)_ Yes.

MINERVA: Hmm.

_A long pause._

_Cut to SYBILL. She is waving her wand above a bubbling saucepan, in which a bright purple liquid is simmering._

SYBILL: Fruitcake. Quite a mystical substance, actually. Some believe you can read one’s fortune in the pattern of the jellied fruits. Quite like tea leaves. _(She pours a liberal stream of brown liquid into the saucepan, which turns muddy and thick.)_ So I’ll be making a fortune-telling fruitcake, with blackcurrants and cherries, and icing runes on top. _(She drops a single cherry into the saucepan. There is a loud splash and the cherry dissolves.)_

_Cut to SIRIUS._

SIRIUS: My fruitcake is more of a twist on a classic.

HORACE: Ah, it’s good to have you back.

SIRIUS: I’m making a savory fruitcake.

HORACE: Good heavens, always so bold.

SIRIUS: It’ll be turmeric flavored--so, nice bright yellow--and have currants, raisins, and sultanas. And it’s inspired by the golden Snitch, so it’ll be round, with wings made of parsnips I’m carving.

MINERVA: You’ve set yourself quite a lot to do, young man.

SIRIUS: _(Grins cheekily)_ Wouldn’t be a Black signature if I didn’t, would it?

_MINERVA and HORACE leave. TONKS leans in._

TONKS: Wasn’t Remus’ famous phoenix loaf from bread week turmeric flavored?

SIRIUS: Well. You know what they say about imitation.

_Cut to REMUS._

REMUS: I’ve gone a bit traditional on this one, actually. I am using dried fruits rather than jellied, though--I think it gives them a better texture. And I’ve got a particular spice blend I like, gives the cake a bit of a kick, makes it a bit less sickly.

_Offscreen, there is a loud BANG. Remus, startled, turns to look._

_Cut to SYBILL._

SYBILL: Just a blackcurrant exploding! _(She gestures vaguely.)_ Never mind!

_Music plays. Shots of HARRY slicing chilies, REMUS carefully measuring cloves, SYBILL popping her cake in the oven, and SIRIUS sculpting a parsnip._

TONKS: Bakers, ten minutes left!

HARRY: Oh! Really? Oh, man, I hope this isn’t underbaked. 

REMUS: Just need to pipe the icing…

SIRIUS: _(Wrapping a plaster around his finger)_ Don’t think I got any blood in the bake, but it’s extra iron, isn’t it? 

FLEUR: And, bakers, your time is up!

_SIRIUS lets his knife clatter on the countertop, and then he collapses dramatically on the floor. The camera catches REMUS looking over at him, half amused and half exasperated. HARRY is looking nervous but pleased. SYBILL’s fruitcake is topped with several ominously glowing runes._

TONKS: Sirius, will you bring your fruitcake to the judges? 

_SIRIUS carries his golden Snitch-shaped cake to MINERVA and HORACE. It’s bright yellow and leaning slightly to one side._  

MINERVA: I think you know what I’m going to say, Sirius. 

SIRIUS: It’s got style, but you need to see if it has substance? 

TONKS: Standard Sirius! 

HORACE: I think it’s quite nice, quite nice indeed. Worthy of my friend Gwynog Jones, captain of the Holyhead Harpies--

MINERVA: Let’s taste it, shall we? 

_They each take a bite. A pause._

MINERVA: You know, that isn’t bad. 

SIRIUS: _(Mock wounded)_ Always the tone of surprise. 

MINERVA: The turmeric’s working, I think. Surprisingly well. There’s a bit too much fruit, though. 

HORACE: Yes, and you can see it’s sunk a little to the bottom here and there.

MINERVA: Thank you, Sirius.

SIRIUS: _(Blows her a kiss)_ Thank _you._  

FLEUR: Harry, would you bring yours up, please?

_HARRY’s cake is dark brown, decadent, iced with white crosshatching and studded with cherries._  

MINERVA: It looks a treat. 

HORACE: We’ll see what she thinks about the chilies, eh, lad? 

_They take a bite. HARRY watches nervously._  

HORACE: Wow! Packs a punch! 

MINERVA: _(After a moment)_ You know, that works. 

_HARRY breaks into a broad grin._

MINERVA: It does, really, I thought the bits of chili would be too much, but you’ve chopped them so small--and they go so well with the spiced chocolate--your flavors are excellent. Well done.

TONKS: Remus?

_REMUS carries his cake to the judges. It’s an understated, rather unassuming cake, but the royal icing is beautifully piped._

HORACE: Simple.

MINERVA: But elegant. 

_They take a bite._

HORACE: Yes. That is what a solid fruitcake tastes like.

MINERVA: It is good, Remus.

HORACE: Bit dull, but very well baked. 

REMUS: _(Rueful, smiling)_ I’d better work on the style portion of things. As usual. 

FLEUR: Perhaps we should make you and Sirius a team. Then you would have style _and_ substance. _(She smiles at him blithely. Remus, for the third time, blushes.)_  

TONKS: And Sybill, would you bring up your--ah--very intriguing fruitcake?

_SYBILL carries her cake to the judges. It is bright purple. The icing runes are glowing._

HORACE: Good heavens. It’s blinding.

MINERVA: Let’s see. Those are the runes for…“good fortune,” “clarity,” and… “sheep”? 

SYBILL: _(Looking affronted)_ Good health!

MINERVA: I’m fairly certain--

HORACE: Ah, well, let’s taste! 

_They gingerly cut into the cake, which is purple all the way through, and take a bite._  

MINERVA: _(Chewing slowly)_ Hm.

HORACE: _(Also chewing slowly)_ Hmmmm.

_A pause._

HORACE: Well, I’m definitely getting blackcurrant.

_The camera cuts to HARRY, outside._

HARRY: I think that went well, yeah! 

_The camera cuts to SYBILL, outside._

SYBILL: It was most certainly the rune for “good health.” To think that I would mistake such a thing, truly, I have studied runes for years and…

_END OF CHALLENGE 1._

 


	2. Technical

_ Music. _

_ The judges, hosts, and bakers are all in the tent. TONKS and FLEUR are wearing little elf hats. _

TONKS: It’s time for the dreaded technical! This time, with added Christmas cheer!

FLEUR: Today’s technical was set by Minerva. Minerva, any words of wisdom?

MINERVA: Be very careful not to burn anything.

FLEUR: Words of wisdom. All right, Minerva, Horace, as always, you will not be present while the bakers work on their technical challenge so that you can judge impartially--so, on your way!

_ MINERVA and HORACE leave. _

FLEUR: Bakers, Minerva would like you to make sixteen identical, perfectly iced stained glass biscuits. On your mark…

TONKS: Get set…

BOTH: Bake!

_ Cut to REMUS, who is scratching his head as he looks at the recipe. _

REMUS: Stained-glass biscuits. I supposed that means melted sweets in the middle.

SIRIUS: Merlin, I hate this fiddly stuff. I always drop something important on the ground.

HARRY: I’ve done this! I was helping my friend’s mum make biscuits last year and we did the whole thing--melting the boiled sweets and letting it harden--it’s tricky, but I’ve done it!

SYBILL: Ah, yes. We see through a glass but darkly.

_ Cut to MINERVA and HORACE, sitting in front of the fire with a plate of star-shaped biscuits with transparent green centers. _

HORACE: They’re very nicely done.

MINERVA: They look simple, but it’s really quite tricky to get them all identical. The ginger biscuit must have a nice snap and no burnt edges. And if you aren’t careful with the centers, they’ll be too soft or they’ll crack right through.

HORACE:  _ (Holds one up and places his eye against it.)  _ Everything’s Christmas colored!

_ Cut to the tent. The bakers are rolling out their dough. _

REMUS: It’s got to be totally even.  _ (He measures with a ruler) _

SIRIUS: I’ll eyeball it. I’ve got a good eye.  _ (He winks at the camera.) _

HARRY: Oh, god, I’ve got to do it again. This dough is way too sticky.

SYBILL:  _ (Hums “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” as she works) _

_ Shots of the bakers slicing their dough and sliding sheets into the oven. _

HARRY: Once they’re out, they have to cool a bit before you can do the stained glass part.

_ REMUS taps his fingers on the counter and reads the directions again. SIRIUS watches him for a moment, distracted. _

SYBILL:  _ (Hums “Here We Come A-Wassailing”) _

_ Shots of the bakers melting sweets on the stove. _

SIRIUS: Oh, mine’s burning. It’s burning!

TONKS: Someone call the firefighters! We have a Sirius situation!

FLEUR: Is the tent on fire? Again?

REMUS:  _ (Looking up)  _ I barely escaped with my life last time. I knew it was a dangerous idea, going back in the tent with him.

TONKS: He’s just...too hot to handle.

_ REMUS snorts. SIRIUS turns faintly pink. _

FLEUR: All right, bakers, your time is up! 

_ The bakers place their cookies on the table. MINERVA and HORACE enter the tent. _

FLEUR: As always, the judges will not know whose bake is whose.

MINERVA: We’ll start with this one.

_ They approach the bake with SIRIUS’ photo in front of it. SIRIUS is wearing a fake Santa beard in the photo. _

HORACE: Something...has happened here.

MINERVA: Perhaps the stained glass is simply invisible.  _ (She holds up a biscuit. It is a beautifully crisp golden-brown. But there is nothing in the center.) _

HORACE: Good crunch, though.

_ HARRY looks sympathetically at SIRIUS. REMUS looks amused. _

_ MINERVA and HORACE approach the next bake, which has a photo of REMUS, wrapped in a red scarf and mittens, in front of it. _

MINERVA: These look all right.

HORACE: Could have a bit more of a snap. Slightly underbaked, I think.

MINERVA: Yes. But the flavor is spot on.

_ They move onto the next bake, which has a photo of Harry, grinning, in front of it. _

HORACE: Now, these are a little bit messy--not quite all identical. But they do look nice and crisp.

MINERVA: Yes, that’s the snap we want to hear.

HORACE: And the stained glass--quite lovely. This one’s a bit lumpy, but the others are good.

_ HARRY tries to mask a pleased expression. _

_ MINERVA and HORACE move on to the last cookies, which have a picture of SYBILL, wrapped in a large snowflake-patterned shawl, in front of them. _

HORACE: Now, these are very nice indeed.

MINERVA: Nearly identical. Quite attractive. And--yes, a good snap.

HORACE: Delicious flavor. I’d serve those at my Christmas parties. And that’s saying something, considering that Hubert Monk, the chef from Gamp’s Law, always attends--

MINERVA:  _ (Quickly)  _ Very good indeed.

_ SIRIUS, REMUS, and HARRY all look over at SYBILL, trying to hide their shock. She simply picks at a strand of cat hair on her robe and smiles beatifically. _

TONKS: A tricky one for the judges. Minerva, Horace, have you made your decisions?

HORACE: We have.

MINERVA: In last place, this one.  _ (She points to Sirius’ biscuits.)  _ No stained glass.

SIRIUS: An arsonist got to them. Such a shock. I’ve let the Aurors know, and they’re on the case.

HORACE: In third place--and this was a tough call--this one.  _ (He points to REMUS’ cookies.)  _ Beautiful, but just a bit underbaked.

MINERVA: In second place, these.  _ (She points to HARRY’s.) _

HARRY: I know, I know, they’ve got to be neater!

_ MINERVA smiles. _

HORACE: So that means that first place goes to-- _ (He points to Sybill’s biscuits.)  _ Sybill! Well done!

SYBILL: Thank you. It’s a matter of seeing clearly, you know. Through a glass, but a very transparent one.

HORACE: Er. Yes.

_ SIRIUS is trying not to laugh. REMUS kicks him discreetly. _

TONKS: A jolly end to a Christmas technical!

_ Cut to HARRY, outside. _

HARRY: I’m pleased, I think. Second is good! Of course, I really do need to work on being neater if I want Minerva’s approval. That seems to be Remus’ specialty--I’ll have to watch out for him.

_ Cut to SIRIUS, outside. _

SIRIUS: Well, that was a disaster, wasn’t it?  _ (Laughs.)  _ I’d better get it together for the showstopper tomorrow.

_ Cut to REMUS, outside. _

REMUS: Underbaked.  _ (Pause.)  _ Yeah, that didn’t go too well. A bit embarrassing, honestly.  _ (Another pause.)  _ But at least I didn’t almost burn down the tent. Again. 

_ Cut to SYBILL, outside. _

SYBILL: I make stained glass cookies every year. They go very well with tea.

_ END OF CHALLENGE 2. _


	3. Showstopper

_ Cheerful holiday music plays. The four bakers enter the tent. HARRY is fresh-faced and determined. SYBILL is stepping gravely and seriously. SIRIUS is whispering something in REMUS’ ear. REMUS is smiling. _

TONKS: Welcome back, bakers, to the second day of the Great Wizarding Christmas Bake Off!

FLEUR: Say hello to my new friend! I found her outside this morning and brought her in from the cold.

_ She is holding a tabby cat with a big Christmas bow around its neck and stroking its head. _

FLEUR: I am going to call her Jingles.

TONKS: Er...Fleur…

FLEUR:  _ (Petting the cat)  _ Yes, Tonks?

TONKS: I think there’s something you should know…

FLEUR: And what’s that?

TONKS: Maybe you should put the cat down first.

FLEUR: Oh, but she’s so sweet.

TONKS: Yes. Sweet. 

_ She takes the cat from FLEUR and places it on the table. Rapidly, the cat changes into MINERVA, who crosses her ankles primly and looks over her glasses at FLEUR. _

FLEUR: Oh. Erm. Hello, Minerva.

MINERVA: I thought it was Jingles now.

_ Music. Cut to REMUS, outside. _

REMUS: Day two! Time to get serious.  _ (A pause. Remus turns bright red.)  _ S-e-r-i...not...oh, you know what I mean.

_ Cut to SIRIUS, outside. _

SIRIUS: Oh, it’s definitely time to get Remus. If by get you mean trounce him thoroughly.  _ (He grins wickedly.)  _ Of course, I shouldn’t forget Harry--he’s ridiculously talented for someone so young. It’s like he’s been preordained as the chosen baker of his generation or something.

_ Cut to SYBILL, outside. _

SYBILL: I spent yesterday evening consulting the tea leaves. It is quite clear to me who will win today. But I musn’t give it away! Seeing the future is a dangerous gift.

_ Cut to HARRY, outside. _

HARRY: I think people underestimate me because I’m young. But I want to prove them wrong. I got so close last time. My friends are all watching, and I want to do this for them, you know?

_ Cut to inside the tent, where the judges and bakers face each other. _

TONKS: Today’s challenge is a sweet one!

FLEUR: Minerva and Horace would like you to make a spectacular sugar showstopper.

TONKS: This must be a cake with at least three layers, decorated with elaborate and festive sugar work. It must be both beautiful and delicious!

FLEUR: On your marks…

TONKS: Get set…

BOTH: Bake!

_ Cut to HARRY, who is putting butter into his mixer. _

HARRY: I’ve practiced this so much this week! It’s worked maybe...half the time?

_ Cut to SIRIUS, who is assembling a large array of bright natural food colors. _

HORACE: What do you have for us, Sirius, my boy?

SIRIUS: My sugar showstopper is a three tiered cake, with a different flavor for each tier. It’s sweets themed, in honor of many a boyhood Christmas visit to Honeydukes. So, the bottom layer is going to be chocolate frog inspired--it’s marbled chocolate and pistachio, so, brown and green. The middle layer will be based on peppermint toads, but with a grown-up twist--I’m using peppermint schnapps as flavoring. And the top layer will be Fizzing Whizbee themed: creamy orange, with ginger and cardamom, and in the center there’s a Fizzing Whizbee that should--fingers crossed--fizz out when the cake is cut.

MINERVA: Fizz, rather than explode.

SIRIUS: Right. Fingers crossed.

HORACE: And the decorations?

SIRIUS: Sugar sweets--lemon drops, pear drops, Bertie Bott’s, sugar quills, and a big Christmas sugar bow on top.

HORACE: Sounds delightful.

_ Cut to SYBILL, who is pouring a rich brown-colored batter into a pan. _

TONKS: Hello, Sybill.

HORACE: What have you got for us today?

SYBILL: Well. I had a prophetic dream in which an entire showstopper appeared to me. So I’m recreating what I saw.

MINERVA:  _ (Dryly)  _ And what did you see?

SYBILL: Four layers. Alternating dark chocolate and gingerbread. All the same tier, forming a very high plinth covered in dark chocolate mirror glaze. And atop, spun from sugar: the Ghost of Christmas Past.

HORACE: How sinister!

SYBILL: The Ghost of Christmas Past will be a tall, dark figure. Mysterious. Robed. With red burning eyes.

TONKS: Nothing more British for Christmas than a good scare!

HORACE: Good luck, Sybill.

SYBILL: Luck has nothing to do with it.  _ (She peers at the camera)  _ This is all down to Fate.

_ Cut to REMUS, who is sliding his first layer into the oven and whose nose is tipped with flour. _

FLEUR: Remus, love, you’ve got something on your nose.  _ (She wipes it off.) _

TONKS: That could have been there on purpose, you know.

FLEUR: Was it, Remus?

REMUS: Absolutely. It’s a new fashion statement.

TONKS:  _ (Eyeing SIRIUS)  _ I’m sure it’ll be successful. Maybe earn you a Christmas kiss or two.

REMUS: Well. This should help.  _ (He shows them a drawing of a cake topped in mistletoe.)  _ I’m trying for more style this time.  _ (He smiles.)  _ The cake is three tiers, each one a different flavor and each frosted in a different color of swiss meringue buttercream dusted with edible glitter.

FLEUR: Ooh, la la! You are going for style.

REMUS: That’s the plan. So, the first layer is eggnog with rum, the second is bourbon and brown sugar, and the third is champagne and grapefruit.

HORACE: Oh my goodness, Remus, you’ve made an old man very happy.

TONKS:  _ (Slyly)  _ Sirius has only got  _ one _ sort of alcohol in his cake.

SIRIUS:  _ (Hearing his name)  _ What’s that?

TONKS: Remus’s cake has rum, bourbon,  _ and _ champagne.

SIRIUS: Oh, well, I’m going to his for Christmas dinner, then!

HORACE: I think we’ll all be there.

SIRIUS: Not Harry, though. Aren’t you still too young to drink?

HARRY: Ha, ha.  _ (Mutters)  _ I’ve been legal for six months now.

MINERVA: Remus, what about your decorations? You mentioned aiming for “style” this time around.

REMUS: Ah! Yes. The layers will be decorated with spun sugar-dipped cherries, lots of spun sugar lace--sort of a cloud of it, I’m hoping--and at the top, a big sugar mistletoe.

MINERVA: Green and red?

REMUS: Of course.

FLEUR:  _ (Sweetly)  _ And who’s the lucky person you’re planning to kiss underneath it?

REMUS:  _ (Slightly pink) _ Well. That would be telling.

_ Cut to HARRY, who is consulting his recipe while stirring a pot on the stove. _

MINERVA: What are you planning for your showstopper, Harry?

HARRY: Okay. So. Mine is inspired by the Hogwarts Christmas feast. I spent a lot of holidays at Hogwarts--my first good ones, actually, and there’s just something so special about them. The decorations, and the food--the house elves do an amazing job, my friend Hermione told me to make sure I said that.

MINERVA:  _ (Concealing a smile)  _ Tell us about each layer.

HARRY: The bottom one is for my friend Ron. It’s cranberry, because he loves the roast turkey at Hogwarts, which always has amazing cranberry sauce. And the second layer is Hermione’s. She’s not as big into food as me and Ron, but she really enjoys the sticky toffee pudding, so that’s what the second layer is. With extra dates, because that’s what she likes best. And then the third layer is pumpkin pasty-themed, because I couldn’t choose my favorite and that seemed like a good one to end with.

HORACE: And the decorations?

HARRY: It’s all meant to look like a big spun-sugar Christmas tree. You’ll cut through the branches to get to the cake. And it’s decorated with gold-leaf truffles, like the baubles on the Hogwarts trees, and I’ve got some charmed cranberries that’ll glow like fairy lights.

TONKS: Now I want to be back at Hogwarts for Christmas.

HARRY: I know, right? It’s just really important to me that I get this showstopper right. I want to really pay tribute to the place I first felt like I was home.

MINERVA:  _ (Voice suspiciously tight)  _ That’s a very lovely sentiment, Harry.

_ The camera zooms in on first REMUS and then SIRIUS, who are both wiping their eyes. _

_ Shots of SYBILL assembling her layers, SIRIUS grinding down peppermints into fine powder, HARRY cooking dates, and REMUS dipping cherries in spun sugar and letting the sugar drip down into thin threads. _

TONKS: Thirty minutes left, bakers!

HARRY: Oh, no. Oh my goodness.

SIRIUS:  _ (With his hair sticking out and flour all over his apron, he grabs the bottle of peppermint schnapps and takes a theatrical swig.) _

SYBILL: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

REMUS: Okay. Okay. Time to make the mistletoe.

_ REMUS, very carefully, starts to shape the mistletoe out of sugar. The camera finds SIRIUS, who has forgotten his own showstopper momentarily and is standing with the bottle of peppermint schnapps and watching REMUS work. _

TONKS: Sirius, erm…

SIRIUS: What? Oh! Yes! Sweets. Fizzing Whizbees. That fizz. Not explode.

TONKS: Something else is fizzing in here...or maybe sizzling is a better word…

_ Cut to Sybill. She is draping dark-colored strands of spun sugar over a mold. _

SYBILL: That’s it...easy does it…

HARRY: Oh, wow, that really looks like a ghost!

SYBILL: Why, thank you, dear. In my dream, you see, I saw--

REMUS: Oh, shi-shoot!

_ In attempting to place his clouds of spun sugar on the cake, he has knocked his elbow into his liquid measure, which falls on the ground. It drags on the parchment paper he is using, and two of the cherries fall off the counter. Remus dives for them. The camera shows the spun-sugar mistletoe starting to tip. _

SIRIUS: Whoa, there!

_ He skids across the aisle and lunges for the mistletoe, landing stretched out on the ground, one arm extended upwards, the mistletoe clasped safely in his grasp. _

_ REMUS, crouching next to SIRIUS, gives a great sigh of relief. _

REMUS: Oh, my god. Oh, my god, thank you.

SIRIUS: Anytime. Of course. It’s no trouble. Erm... 

_ He glances up. REMUS follows his gaze. The spun-sugar mistletoe is directly above their heads. _

_ REMUS turns pink. He clears his throat. _

REMUS: Oh, what the hell, it’s Christmas.

_ He kisses SIRIUS on the mouth. SIRIUS freezes for a moment, and then kisses back. _

REMUS:  _ (Muffled, through the kiss)  _ You’d better not drop my mistletoe.

SIRIUS: Right! Right.

_ They clamber to their feet, only to be faced with, on the other side of the counter, TONKS, FLEUR, HORACE, and MINERVA all staring at them. _

_ HARRY, across the room, gives a whoop. _

_ TONKS starts clapping. _

REMUS: Oh, do shut up.

HORACE: My, my.

FLEUR: Oh, it is a Christmas miracle--

MINERVA: I believe you all have five minutes to complete your bakes.

HARRY: Ahh!

SIRIUS:  _ (Running back to his counter)  _ I’m going to trounce you, Remus!

REMUS:  _ (Dazed)  _ Probably so.

SYBILL: And now for the glowing red eyes.

TONKS: Bakers, your time is up!

_ HARRY collapses onto a stool. SIRIUS surveys his extremely brightly colored cake. REMUS adjusts the mistletoe one last time and then steps back. _

FLEUR: Sybill, will you bring your showstopper up, please?

_ SYBILL’s showstopper is a very tall cylindrical cake covered in dark brown mirror glaze. A sinister spun-sugar figure sits atop it, its robes draped down around the sides of the cake. Its arms are outstretched, and its eyes glow red. _

HORACE: Well. This is quite--quite something.

MINERVA: Indeed. Really quite clever, I think. You’ve done a nice job with the detail.

HORACE: And it’s dark chocolate and gingerbread? Mm, cuts well.

MINERVA: Very moist. I think you could do with a bit more ginger.

HORACE: Really, erm--really original, Sybill.

SYBILL:  _ (Dignified)  _ Thank you.

FLEUR: Sirius?

_ SIRIUS brings up his cake. It’s very heavy and absolutely covered in spun-sugar sweets. _

HORACE: What a feast for the eyes.

MINERVA: It’s extremely...bright.

SIRIUS: Thank you!

MINERVA: Mm.

HORACE: Cunning little ice mice. Very nice.

MINERVA: Oh. Well. That chocolate pistachio is just right.

HORACE: I do like the peppermint, but it’s a bit strong. Overpowers the other flavors.

MINERVA: I agree.

HORACE: And are we brave enough to cut the Fizzing Whizbee layer, do you think? 

MINERVA: Perhaps we should let Sirius do it.

_ She hands him the knife. He holds his breath and slices into the top layer. There is a fizzing sound, and for a moment he smiles, delighted. Then bubbling orange liquid pours down the side of the cake, off the plate, and onto the floor. _

MINERVA: Honestly, it could have been much worse.

TONKS: Remus, your showstopper, please!

_ REMUS brings up his cake. It’s a lovely sparkling concoction, with feathery spun sugar poofing out from the sides and the mistletoe on top. _

MINERVA: A real treat for the eyes, Remus. Well done.

HORACE: And a treat for the liver, if it’s as liquor-soaked as you planned!

TONKS:  _ (Brightly)  _ And a treat for Sirius’ mouth!

_ REMUS blushes. SIRIUS grins unrepentantly and gives REMUS the thumbs-up. The judges taste the cake and their eyes widen. _

MINERVA: Oh my.

HORACE: Oh, my, my, my!

MINERVA: That’s very…

HORACE: We’ll be too tipsy to judge!

MINERVA: My goodness, that’s a lot of alcohol.

REMUS:  _ (Nervously)  _ Too much?

_ HORACE shakes his head and MINERVA nods. _

TONKS: I’d better settle the tie.

_ She nabs a bit of cake and coughs. _

TONKS: Merlin’s balls, Remus.

REMUS: Whoops.

FLEUR: All right, Harry, your turn!

_ HARRY brings up his showstopper. It’s stunning: a gorgeous spun-sugar tree decked with gold truffles and glowing cranberries. A sparkling sugar H sits at the top. _

HARRY: For Hogwarts, you know.

MINERVA: Oh, yes. Harry, this is--well. This is simply lovely.

HARRY: Yeah?

HORACE: A marvel, my boy. Hate to cut into it, but…

MINERVA: I thought the cranberry would be too tart, but in fact it’s just right.

HORACE: A very reliable sticky toffee pudding.

MINERVA: And let’s see about the pumpkin--goodness. There’s the allspice--and the cinnamon, yes. And the frosting is--well. The texture is exquisite.

HARRY:  _ (Pleased, bashful)  _ Well. Thank you.

MINERVA: You did your friends and your school proud, Harry.  _ (She covertly brushes away a tear.) _

FLEUR: And now it’s time to celebrate with friends and family and announce the Great Wizarding Christmas Bake Off champion!

_ Cut to outside the tent, where friends and family have assembled on the lawn. They are wearing festive scarves and hats, and a children’s choir is singing carols. _

_ The four bakers walk out of the tent, each holding their showstoppers. _

TONKS: I have the very great pleasure of announcing our Christmas winner. It was a tight competition, with plenty of ghosts, alcohol, and holiday romance. But the winner rose above and beyond, spicing up the signature challenge and wowing the judges with his decadent feast of a showstopper. The Great Wizarding Christmas Bake Off champion is...Harry!

_ The crowd bursts into applause. A large number of red-haired individuals cheer wildly, and a girl with bushy hair gives Harry a big hug. _

HARRY: Wow...I just…

SIRIUS:  _ (Clapping him on the shoulder)  _ You earned it, Harry.

REMUS: You really did.

SYBILL: Exactly as the tea leaves predicted.

_ Music. Cut to SYBILL, talking to the camera. _

SYBILL: It was an honor to be back in the tent. I forsee holiday cheer for all!

_ Cut to REMUS and SIRIUS, talking to the camera. _

REMUS: Not to be sentimental, but I feel like I did win.

SIRIUS:  _ (Smiling at REMUS)  _ Aw. That  _ is  _ sentimental.

REMUS: Well, it’s Christmas.

SIRIUS: And it’s time to invest in some more mistletoe, I think.

REMUS: You can kiss me anytime you like, you know. All year round.

SIRIUS: Well, that’s excellent news.

_ They kiss. _

_ Cut to HARRY, talking to the camera. _

HARRY: Wow. I just. This is amazing, you know? The other bakers are so, so talented.  _ (He grins.)  _ Gryffindor pride!

_ The credits roll. _


End file.
